A map for understanding yourself

The Self Model

Your past influences you, you live from your core, and you steer toward the self you could become.

EXPERIENCES OVER TIME POSITIVE NEGATIVE PAST what influences you FUTURE what you move toward Protective factors Secure base · earned mastery · role models Adverse experiences Trauma · loss · attachment wounds Hoped-for self the self you move toward Feared self the self you guard against and the selves you let go OUTER WORLD INNER WORLD CORE who you are NOTICE · CHOOSE · STEER

Tap any part of the map to open it, or expand a section below.

The past that influences you

What still shapes how you act, good and hard. Above the line, protective factors (secure base, mentors, mastery); below, adverse experiences (trauma, loss, attachment wounds).

The self, at center

Your Core (what endures) sits inside your Inner World (what your life has shaped: held values, personality, beliefs, identity), inside your Outer World (environment, people, culture).

The future, projected

You move toward a hoped-for self or a feared self, and every choice lets some other self go. The work is steering, in line with your core, toward the one you choose.

You, steering

The dashed ring is you in action: noticing what is happening, choosing in the gap before you react, and steering your attention, feelings and behavior.

Inside each part

Tap a part of the map above, or open a section here, for what is inside it and how you work with it.

What's in it

Protective factors

Secure base & loveRole models & mentorsEarned mastery & winsPeak, joyful momentsInherited strengthsLessons learned

Adverse experiences

TraumaAttachment woundsShameLossFailureHardship
How you work with it

With the hard

  • Therapy & acceptance make peace with what happened so it stops running you
  • Shadow work uncover and reclaim what you disowned
  • Parts work (IFS) understand why you react the way you do today
  • Somatic processing release what the body still holds

With the good

  • Lean on your lessons apply what life already taught you
  • Draw on your people the ones who helped you along the way
  • Build on your strengths the skill and knowledge you've built over time
What's in it
EnvironmentCulture & systemsFriendshipsRelationshipsCommunityProfession / workSchool / educationHobbies & interestsYour body state right now
How you work with it
  • Environment design (Atomic Habits) make the good behavior the easy one
  • People audit surround yourself with people who pull you toward your hoped-for self
  • Routines & cues engineer your defaults so willpower isn't the plan
  • Settle your state first a body reading danger shuts down clear thinking, so regulate before you decide
What's in it
Held values (deeply believed, can shift)Personality traitsCurrent motivations & interestsBeliefsIdentity & self-worthPatterns (conscious & unconscious)Inner partsYour storyDefensesShadow
How you work with it
  • Values audit which of these did I choose, and which did I inherit?
  • Practice the trait in the studies so far, personality moved for people who completed the behaviors, not for those who only wanted to
  • Reframing test and rewrite the beliefs that limit you
  • Parts work meet the protective and wounded parts inside
  • Narrative rewrite become the author of your story, not its victim

Personality sits here, not in the core. Traits are stable enough to be yours and they still change across a life, faster when you practice on purpose. Your inborn temperament is the slowest-moving part, and it lives in the core.

What's in it
The one who notices (your seat of awareness)Core values (the few that hold for life)Core drives (to help, create, understand, build)Character strengthsTemperament (your inborn baseline)Your capacity to settle
How you work with it
  • Values & strengths work name what's truly you, then steer by it
  • The core-value test has it held across very different seasons of your life, does breaking it cost you who you are, do you hold it because it is yours to uphold (including on behalf of your people) and not out of guilt or fear, does it land in head, heart and gut? When those converge it is core. The rest are held values, and they live in your Inner World. A working sort, not a verdict
  • Work with your temperament you work with how it shows up; the baseline is not the target
  • Widen your capacity to settle slow body-level work, measured in weeks and months
What's in it
Noticing (awareness of your own mind)Choosing (the gap before you react)Steering (attention, emotion, behavior)Intention & forethought

The layers are what you have and what acts on you. This is the part of you that does something about it. It looks out from your core, and it does its work on the boundary between your inner world and your outer world. How well it works depends on your state: sharper when you are rested and settled, costlier when you are tired, loaded or under threat.

How you work with it
  • Awareness practice the gate: you can't change what you can't see
  • Pause in the gap settle, breathe, then choose instead of react
  • Regulate first settle the body before you ask the mind to decide
  • Pre-decide with if-then plans so steering is needed less often
  • Protect your energy put hard choices where you are freshest; design the rest so it needs no willpower
What's in it

Hoped-for self

VisionDreams & desiresGoalsPurpose & meaningGrowthHope & agency

Feared self

FearsDreaded lossesDrift

The selves you let go

The lives you chose not to liveWho you thought you should be
How you work with it

Toward the hoped-for self

  • Vision & rehearsal make the future self vivid, and rehearse the doing, not only the winning
  • Picture it, then name the obstacle (WOOP) wish, outcome, obstacle, plan. Picturing the win on its own tends to lower the drive to act; pairing it with the obstacle raises it
  • Goals & if-then plans build the bridge from here to there
  • Alignment check is this future true to my core?

With the feared self

  • Name what you fear becoming so it loses its grip
  • Let it sharpen your values the fear shows what you refuse
  • Set guardrails against the slow drift you don't want

With the selves you let go

  • Name them and grieve them no silver lining required; an unmourned self comes back as doubt about a sound decision

Change is the way. Work with what influences you from the past, live from your core, and steer toward the self you choose to become.

The Self Model v3.4 · updated 2026-09-19